Let me apologize. This is a post with many questions, and not many answers. But it's reflective of where I find myself. Your thoughts and insights are appreciated.
The work of discerning God's will is a funny thing. It seems to be inconsistent sometimes to the outside or casual observer. In fact, even to a lifelong Christian it can be confusing and leave us asking more questions than we have answers.
Now, I'm not talking about most day to day decisions. I don't have much trouble in this arena. I am a firm believer that God is not directly invoking his authority in my daily decisions to such an extent that I need to be concerned that I may be inadvertently working against God's will for my life by making a "wrong" decision. Questions like, whether to go to the store today, or whether I should stay home or go to work if I'm not feeling great are not the typical domain of God's day to day efforts.
However, there are daily decision that falls under the "moral authority" of God. In these decisions we are considering a different beast all together. For example, "should I beat up my neighbor for his on-going 6 AM construction projects?" This clearly falls under what God tells us is wrong...always. This is a decision that should be clear by simply reading scripture and knowing God's moral expectations for all humanity. The difficulty with decisions involving God's moral expectations is often not about knowing right and wrong, it's typically more of an issue of whether you choose to submit to God's will or not.
But what about those decisions which are not simple day to day decisions, and are also not "simple" moral decisions. I find that these are the most challenging decisions for most faithful Christians. Certainly for myself, they are the most difficult.
The process of discerning God's will is a simple enough system: determine that a decision needs to be made, understand clearly the options, pray about it, make sure you still understand the options and the consequences, pray again...keep praying, listen for a response from God, then act on it.
This is a tried and true process for which there are many examples. From Solomon, to David, to many judges and prophets; we see many people following this process in seeking God's wisdom for their life. In the New Testament we have fewer direct examples, but instead, more teachings that illustrate the same principles seen in the Old Testament. James, and 1 Peter talk about the idea of decision making at length. It is primarily seen in light of their teachings on developing and keeping proper faith. This makes sense as proper decision making requires listening and acting on what God says, i.e. faith.
As a growing Christian (that should be redundant phrase), I find myself getting stuck most often in the "continuing to pray and listen for a response" phase. I find myself doubting...not God, but the process...or myself...or both.
In general, I rarely have a problem being a decisive decision maker. So when I do, it tends to be a pretty complex situation for me. I simply want to make sure that the will of my heart (that I desire to act on) is the will of God, and not my strong will overriding my hearing of God's will.
I have full confidence in God. I have less confidence in my ability to discern his will. This is typically a problem with a decision that I have assigned a high level of importance to and, after a good deal of time and prayer (by my standards of course), I still have not discerned the course of action that seems to be "God's will." So, as I have tried to give this topic a good amount of consideration and prayer, I have determined (so far) only four possible answers to this prayerful decision problem.
First: God's perceived silence is an answer in the negative? Maybe, but I see no indication of that; just complete neutrality.
Second: God's perceived silence is an answer to wait longer. What I desire may be good, but God desires me to wait until his appropriate timing to bring it to fruition. Maybe, but again, no indication of that. I suspect God would desire me to know if this were his will which I earnestly seek to follow.
Third: God's perceived silence is just that: perceived. Maybe he has responded, but I am not discerning or wise enough to see/hear it. Any mature Christian must reply that this is certainly a possibility. As you grow in discernment and wisdom you learn how indiscriminate and foolish you still remain.
Fourth: God's perceived silence is an indictment on my decision making and a statement to me that I must simply "pull the trigger" as it were and pick an option because he finds either option equally as pleasing.
To my knowledge there are only a few sources from which we are expected to discern God's will. In no particular order: the Scriptures, our heart, other wise Christians around us, and God's generally unspoken providence (God making things happening in such a way as to "answer" the question). On their own, any one of these sources can fail you. Not that the source is necessarily flawed, but the receiver (me) is. For this reason, it is essential in any very important decision to strive to incorporate as many sources as possible.
In my specific decision, I can tell you that I struggle when the sources are split or quiet. I have two options, both seemingly equally valid. Neither conflicts with Scripture. Either option is supported by those I trust spiritually. My heart pulls me in one distinct direction and to my knowledge, I have not encountered the providence of God. So right now, I am left with this:
A: Is my heart pulling me one direction because I want it so strongly, and in the process am I missing God's providential movements calling me the other way?
B: Or, is my heart pulling me in one direction because God and my heart are aligned and I should simply follow it? (It's not bad, and certainly not wrong, to want the same thing God wants.)
If the answer is "B", then my followup question is Now, or Later? I know my own weaknesses in the area of patience, so it makes since that God would call me to wait for his timing. But struggling to wait isn't my problem. My problem is God making me guess the answer. I'm not sure how that builds faith. It seems to me that in order to build human faith in him, God must (I think) either let you make a decision in which he would then work out his will, or tell you what he expects of you (through an established source), and then work out his will.
However, now that I think about it...maybe God hasn't placed the same level of urgency on this decision that I have. Maybe God is pleased with my genuine attempts to seek his guidance and in time I will see that. Maybe at this moment, God is more interested in teaching me to be patient, not for the sake of building faith, but for the sake of learning to be patient.
I'm not sure. It's both a scary and helpless feeling to seek God and feel directionless. It makes you question many things. But it also forces you to dig deeper...and that's a good thing. So I'm not sure where I will be, or when I'll be there. But I do know that wherever I am, God will be with me. I know that the answer lies in submission. I know there must be "None of self and All of Thee." Even if I don't always see, feel, or understand him: he is there. In time he will make himself known to me one way or another. I'll keep you posted.
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