Am I missing something?

This was written on 11/14/06

How do I get taken seriously when I feel like there is nothing I am doing that stands out from the crowd to identify me, or to jump out and smack someone in the face and say: :Hey, this guy is different, I want to know why!!. Or, he's a Christian, I can tell from XXX...I feel like I don't have that XXX. What is it that I need to change in order to let people see that man of God that I want them to see and know every time they look at me. I do want something instant, but I know it's a process. I can accept that...AS LONG AS I know that I am on the appropriate track that is part of the process. I am trying to work through this in a lot of ways... I keep looking at youth ministry jobs... I keep looking at counseling jobs...I keep looking at any job other than the job I have. But mostly I want a job that connects me directly to God. Maybe that's selfish. God made me with the desire to be intimately close to him all the time. I want to be in his service all the time. It's an indebtedness that I feel to him. And working a job comparatively outside of his kingdom eats away at me for exactly that reason. I can't stand it and I don't know how to fix it. This is the decision I have made for myself and family. To be here in Massachusetts...unable right now to work in the capacity that I feel God wired me for, or at the least that I feel I want to be wired for. So I don't know where this leaves me or where I will end up.. But through it all I know that God is faithful. He's shown me that over and over again, and I know he will provide. I don't know how or when...but I'll just have to wait and see. Just some thoughts for you to ponder. :)